You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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