I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
