haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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