Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
