Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
