he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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