I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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