I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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