i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
