i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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