My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
