Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
