So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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