It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
