I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
