you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize