im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
