Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
