This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
do nipples grow back?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize