he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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