I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
