Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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