dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
