were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
