Nicole vs. Life
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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