I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
