I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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