Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize