I just cut my nipple shaving
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize