According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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