just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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