You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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