ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think your dad took our porno
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
