You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
All I want is dick and wine.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
