I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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