My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
