end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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