Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
