he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
