In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i jhust puked up my retainher.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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