This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im six kinds of drunk right now
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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