My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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