your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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