she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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