its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
