I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
