Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
