..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
