Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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