I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
