doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize