did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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