a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
pop tarts are not kleenex
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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