im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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