And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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