dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
