So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
