Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize