singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i think i have two assholes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
