my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
