You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
