Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
