OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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