i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
