I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
